I received this email today from a friend who is at her apartment in Italy. She and her children apparently arrived there to find that the place was being used by some uninvited guest. She is extremely colorful as she describes the scenario as it unfolded. Only with her permission am I posting this for your entertainment…enjoy!
I hope all is well with you and that the summer months are passing by with much
fun and pleasure.
I just wanted to reach out and share my little animal adventures with you since
we are well aware of my profound love of non-humanoid forms of life. IN
PARTICULAR, the avian kind.
So we arrived at our apartment in Italy and I believed that the bella vita
should begin at any second. One of my favorite 60-seconds in life (OK,
other than where your minds are going) is to swing open the window shutters in
the kitchen and take in the views. This year, to my horror, the joyful
anticipation was met with a large and occupied pigeon nest on my sill, complete
with erroneous feathers floating about and one Cadbury-sized egg in the middle.
After slamming shut the window for fear that the intrusive bird might
return and fly up in my face, I finished hyperventilating into my carry-on
barf bag and moved onto the second window, in the livingroom.
Here I cautiously peered at the sill before opening, and was finally able to
enjoy the view, although I was not completely recovered the unwelcome guest on
the other ledge.
I have no idea what I was thinking when I opened the third window only to find
an even larger nest with two baby turtle-doves staring at me with a mixture of
disbelief and WTF in their eyes. Not one to typically panic, I become
rather irrational around birds and this was not exception. I screamed for
the Lucca to come and shut the window as I ran from the bedroom. The
babies did not move a wing and in fact were very content sitting in their big
homey pile of droppings. Little bastards never flinched.
A few days went by. The kitchen window nest was apparently abandoned and
I used rubber gloves and scads of paper towels to dispose of it. The
nursery issue was also under control. Michaella monitored the situation
for me, through closed windows and blinds (for fear that we would scare Mamma
away and never get rid of the creatures) and assured me that all
would be fine. Mamma bird did return several times to feed her
charges and within 5 days these had become mobile and evacuated the premises.
I was beyond happy when they flew the coop, and the only task left for me
was to clean the enormous mess on the windowsill.
End of story you would assume, yes? OH no, not so lucky. Since it
took me a few days to have sufficient internal fortitude to clean up, ANOTHER
egg now lay in the same pile of excrement. I have since boarded-up the
hole in the shutter, shoved the whole mess into a garbage bag and been given
dirty looks from the Mamma turtle-dove that keeps watch from the roof across the
alley. She tries to land on the sill but I have duct taped an outward
facing mirror to the window (which, incidentally, I still cannot
keep open) in hopes that she will stop blaming me and accept the reality that a
new hooker is working her corner.
And since I jokingly said to my children that we should not waste the egg, they
are permanently refusing to eat the omelettes I make for breakfast.
I’ll take NJ’s stink bugs any day……
Miss you all…