I just could not find any of my running gear. It had been since last March that I had put on any cold weather running gear and I couldn’t find my compression pants. Got the top and sports bra, but where were those damn pants. I had to dump both of the draws where I keep my athletic clothes, onto the top of my unmade bed in order to riffle through to find those pants. Finally, there they were, and as I started to slip them on I was beginning to regret the fact I had found them. Feeling a bit like a stuffed sausage, I got my socks and sneakers together along with hat and running gloves, jumped into the car and started the trip down to meet Donna for a run in the frigid and windy weather.
Donna knew I was trying to talk myself, and her, out of going on this run, she could hear it in my voice when I spoke to her on the phone earlier in the morning. But she was also not going to let me off the hook! So there I was driving 25 minutes on route 78 west to meet her at the Target in P-burg!
As I was driving and listening to Christmas music, I started to become overwhelmed with a feeling of hopelessness. I was thinking of Charlie and couldn’t shake the thought of how it is that you could be here one year, one month, one day, one hour or minute, and not the next…so honestly…what is the point? I was feeling very lost with this sadness and the notion that everything is simply for nothing.
As soon as Donna saw me she read the look on my face and said immediately…”Do you want to skip the run and go grab a cup of coffee and talk?” Although not running was what I wanted, I opted for the run; after all I was already dressed for it so why not. As we ran, Donna brought up the fact that she’s going to California mid-January to attend a conference. She said she was looking forward to it but also not. California sounds great in January, but Donna said that she is going to be traveling by herself. Then out of the blue, she made a comment to me about going with her, and for the first time in a long time, I felt my funk begin to waver and give a way to a small happy thought.
When we were done with our 4 mile trek, I called my husband. “Chris, do you think it would be possible for me to go out to California for 5 days in January, two of the days are weekend days.” There was a bit of a pause, I actually thought I had lost my connection. But then he said “I don’t think there would be a problem with that.” Really, are you sure?” I replied. And he assured me that it would be OK.
Little did I know that morning as I reluctantly headed out for my run with Donna, I would actually be now planning on a trip to California in a month’s time.
God always hears our words when we are in pain and he puts the people and situations in place for us so we can find our way out of our despair. I know that I have to remember to keep myself open, to trust and have a little faith in the fact that God is here, and that He does hear me.